Downhill Spiral

Ever wonder where your life is going?  Road Map Please?  Wish it were that easy.  I'm still trying to figure it out.  When you get depressed and try to crawl out of that hole but someone or something keeps pounding you over the head and stuffing you back in!  You have to start all over again!!!  That's what I feel like my life has been like. 

I was digging out of the hole...got sick, pneumonia, asthma....toss back into the hole.
Climbing higher, seeing daylight, sign up for Race day rush competition, get accepted....ON TOP OF THE WORLD!  I'm out of the hole!  Going to get a chance to get healthy and happy again.

Merredith dies...big downer...two weeks later, on trail running I break my ankle...big downer.  Struggle to go on, keep the happy face...smile..it's all good...doctor says no activities for me anymore.  Climb into the dark hole...patiently wait to spring from the hole when no one is looking.  Now doc, can I go do something now?  No you can't.  Wait 12 weeks.  Damage is done, you have to wait....sit in my dark hole, pain, swelling, pain, swelling....ok now doc?  Ok, but be careful and no pounding...no running or jumping.  OK, out of the hole...back on my bike - happy, happy, happy

Pain and swelling....pain meds, anti-inflamitories, bandage, heat rub...try to race, try to race, don't give up - you can do it....keep on trying!  HALT!  Run to hospital emergency room...you have multiple DVT's (blood clots) in your right leg...result of untreated, not casted, not properly cared for broken ankle.  I was under doctor care...I tried to get better, really.  DON'T GIVE UP SHARON....that's what I have been preaching, I have to practice it - right? WRONG...now I give myself daily Heparin injections to my abdomen, 10 pills of warfarin each day....can't go to work...can't play outside :(     Crawl back into the dark hole of depression, failure and "Labelled a Loser"

Well, something to be learned from all of this for trainers and participants alike....if someone gets hurt during training..."are you OK....and they respond OH YA"....that's not always true.  Shock, pain...adrenalin rush...make you think stupid!!! Like the "Oh, I will just get up and continue running to the finish.....or heck, let's go for a bike ride now"...I got on my bike...road about five minutes down the path and realized.>>>SHIT THAT HURTS<<<<   That's when the rush of being with the girls and not giving up no matter what....had passed.  The fight or flee in me suddenly crashed down.  So athletes and trainers alike - take care - if potential injury is there...look at it  carefully - that means examine the area both visually and by touching.  DON'T LET THE PERSON GET UP AND GO because they think they are fine.  Usually during the time of assessment, that adrenalin will stop pumping and the real pain will rear its ugly head.

I had done some pretty bad internal damage to tissue, bone and veins.  I should have gone to a hospital right away.  I thought I would be ok...must be just a sprain....gotta keep going, I am in the Race day Rush/Phat chicks challenge....don't give up, don't drop out, don't be a suck!  WHAT WAS I THINKING...put on a brave face....keep going...you will get there   WRONG!!!  Someone needed to hit me over the head and knock some common sense into me.

So, I tried to get moving, back on my bike, ride my Wednesday night bike race.  It was really tough for me.  Ice the ankle for days after, take Advils for pain.  Work through it...was all I could think.  The doc say I'm good to go now, work through it.  Here I sit.  Unable to work through anything.  If one of the clots becomes loose, it will travel to my lungs, heart, brain and potentially kill me.

Did you know that in the USA 2 million people are diagnosed with DVT (blood clots of the worst kind) and did you know that each year 30% of those die from their blood clots!!!  It's risky business.  Did you know that it's the 3rd leading killer in the USA????   You can get them from a simple fall, after a fracture, surgery etc.  More common than you think...we are lucky in Canada to have a good health care system that if we suspect something is wrong with us, we can go investigate at the hospital and not have to worry if we can afford to see that doctor about that swollen leg.  I am sure the levels of death are reduced in Canada because we can get the care we need...BUT MY LESSON TO YOU - IS CAUTION FIRST!!! BE CAREFUL.  Something little like my fall in the forest when running could turn into a death sentence.  Err on the safe side.  Get help immediately....I didn't know that a break could lead to this...now I do.  I am sharing this with you.  I hope to be off the drugs for next year, and get a clean bill of health, so I can try again to get out of my dark hole.  I have no idea where I am going...there are no road maps to life.  All I can do is keep taking the "high" road

For now, I will be under the care of doctors and nurses, and I will listen very carefully to what my body is telling me.  In the end, I will get through this...hopefully quickly, without any major issues along the way.  I'm a survivor.  Next spring...watch out...I will be back on my bike again.

Happy Trails